This is so messed up... Three failed long exams... Now, i need to perfect my final exam to have a grade of 4...  But still, I'm on my Plurk, FB, YM, and Tabulas...

I'm hating myself for thinking that I have a second semester for this subject... But second semester is not an option, this is not part of the plan!... FTW!... Right now, I just want to scream!... It's really hard when no one is there to tell you that you can do it... Fukc this!...

I'm staring at my screen, trying to figure out what to do... He's online but something's stopping myself from being the one to start up... First because, I don't have new stories to tell, and second, he might get bored... But I want to talk to him... Talk nonsense things, but he might get bored with that ... I think it's still the same as everyday... Everyday he's been in Afghanistan, he would tell me that nothing much happens... Everyday is heat, work, and work...

Here I go again...

supposedly, i have to be in school by 1pm so that i can review for my exams... but unfortunately, procrastination and television worked together to keep me from getting to work... i really don't have self-discipline in time management, even though i got my schedules fixed for that day...

anyway, my self-discipline is not my main subject here... i just connected the time which is 1pm... 1 o'clock this afternoon, i was in the bathroom... thinking of things before i took a bath...

graduation is fast approaching and i realized i have to have a motivation to keep myself on the game and focused on the price... my target is to be a summer grad, not an octoberian... though there's a 50% possibility that i'm an octoberian... well, i got my plans settled for that, whichever happens...

so here's the thing... my dad got laid back from his job so he's been a bum for like a month already... and you can feel that he doesn't want to work anymore... even if the company asks him back, i think he won't even reconsider going back... my dad's the kind of person "na kapag nawalan ng gana sa isang bagay ay hindi na ito itutuloy"... he's always saying this "i'm old and i'm tired" thing for how many months... then it hit me!... he knows i'm going to graduate by this year, and by this year will hopefully get a job... a job!... getting a job with a good salary is my motivation for this semester, to keep by head going on the game... then it hit me again!... it hit me hard!... by dad's being indolent!... and i hate him for that... the pressure's on me now... i kept thinking, if i landed a job with a good salary, my father would be more indolent... yes, i know my responsibilities as a daughter... next school year, i'll be responsible for my brother in college because that's my promise with my mom... and i think i'll be responsible with all the bills and shit?!... that was not part of the plan!... what the hell, what about me, who's gonna be responsible with me, dammit!...

so much for keeping me motivated with a job... i hope my dad would go back to the company if they asked him back... -sigh-... and this dilemma really made cry...